Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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