Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
