I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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