Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
