Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
