I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
