so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
