he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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