I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize