You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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