I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
