I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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