I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
