i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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