dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize