i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
