So drunk its hurt
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
