Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
