yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
