I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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