that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
