I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
