so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
