even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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