Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize