can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
