Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
