Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
