I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
