so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
