I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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