My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
