Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
