Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
