I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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