im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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