I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
be right there i have to get my cape
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
