sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
