got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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