I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
