i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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