she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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