It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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