I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
