i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
