please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
