Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
