Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
