whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
