i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
