How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
