Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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