So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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