i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
