he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize