did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
