other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
