You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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