I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
