the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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