I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
