we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
